just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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