alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
