my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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