cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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