He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
