Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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