it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
