we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
