Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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