I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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