Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
