Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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