mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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