sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
