Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
