Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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