I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize