Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
