the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
