Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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