I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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