Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
