I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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