Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
