No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
