my mouth tastes like poor choices
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
