I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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