She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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