Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
