i would one night stand the shit outta him
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
