Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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