I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
