Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
