saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
