Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
