He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
