I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
