Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
