I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
