That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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