Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
