She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize