dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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