It's like God shit irony all over that family
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
