I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
