i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
