so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
