Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
