felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
