I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
