anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
