I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
