life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My vagina is officially offended.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
