Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
