u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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