Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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