I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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