I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize