I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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