I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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