Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
