new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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