We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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