I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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