U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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