made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
