then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
