bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
