Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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