I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im drinking this country out of the recession.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I smell like Dick and happiness
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
