y did u give ur computer a hand job?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
