I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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