i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
