I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
