Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
