Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
