i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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