how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
