In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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