I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
