Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
