apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
