We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize