I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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