You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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