i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
