birth control should be required to get into college
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
