just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
