My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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