Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
In other news, I just burned my penis
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
