God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize