I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
