i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
