weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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